Shane Watson

Born in Ipswich in QLD, Shane has the physique of a Rugby player and the looks of a surfer. Once Shane realised that he wasn’t a rugby player and his back cured from all the heavy weight lifting from trying to build the body of a rugby player, we started to see the best of him. Shane is a pretty boy and has a hot wife. We try to hate him but it’s hard. There is someone like Shane in every Australian Family.

Phil Hughes

Phil has been playing A grade since the age of 12. He was also a talented Rugby League player. Going by the size of him (5ft 6) that would have made him a halfback. Halfbacks are schemers and have an opinion on everything. The best way to shut them up and get rid of them was to get them in a shout at the pub. After about 4 beers they were drunk and usually went home to do their hair.

Ricky Ponting

Punter. What can you say. I like the bloke. Debuted against Sri Lanka in 1995 and made 96. I remember the innings. Although I reckon I could have made a quick 15 against the Sri Lankan team at the time, you could see his class. Played through Australia’s golden era and was handed the Captaincy through its slide down the rankings. It must of been like running Germany after Hitler. I think we may see a lot of runs out of him in his twilight years.

Michael Clarke (capt)

I guess the way society is now we have to have an Australian Captain with tattoo’s. Started out scoring a plethora of runs and then discovered girls. Had a dalliance with Lara Bingle and then flushed her engagement ring down the toilet. Seems to be concentrating on cricket again after the break up. With the knowledge of Punter for a few years, should make a “Border” like Captain.

Michael Hussey

Old and left handed. Has had a remarkable career for someone that has attention deficit disorder. Seems like the guy that would be the last asleep on the team bus and would draw a large penis on your forehead with a sharpie whilst you tried to sleep. Has got Australia out of trouble on numerous occasions and thrives at 4/25 instead of 4/600. Every team needs one of him.

Usman Khawaja

The new Punter/Clarke? We hope so. Will he be the inspiration for a whole new group of cricketers? Should score plenty of runs and could probably also fix your computer over the phone.

Brad Haddin (wk)

A bit like the poor bloke that would have had to fill Bradman’s shoes when he retired. Haddin is a solid cricketer. Can score runs, can catch (Occasionally) and looks like a bloke you could have a beer with. Hopefully hasn’t concentrated to much in the off season on his keeping. There is a bloke from Tasmania snapping at his heels.

Mitchell Johnson

Rock Star. Another new age cricketer with tough stickers up his forearms. The enigma of Australian Cricket. Can turn a game on its head with bat or ball one week and then would be lucky to get a game in B grade in the local Churches competition the next. If this bloke can get consistent he will be one of the major weapons as we try and climb up the world rankings again.

Trent Copeland

New kid on the block. Watched him in the 5th one day game against the mighty Sri Lankans and it was like he was bowling hand grenades. If he can get the ball consistently in the “Corridor of uncertainty” at 140k/m per hour he could be a sensation. Get belted into submission on this tour and he could be mowing lawns for a living.

Ryan Harris

Honest toiler who has blossomed in his twilight years. Get’s the ball in the right areas. Looks like a Council worker that enjoys a beer after the game.

11 Nathan Lyon.

Australia’s 45th option for a spin bowler “Post Warnie” let’s hope he can turn the ball. Will be up against a team that have no fear of spin. Good luck to Nathan but he may be looking to go into business with Trent Copeland in a few months.

(12th man – Michael Beer)

Why would you pick a spinner that cant field as your 12th man? Must have a special way of cooling Gatorade.

Steven Pageisitis is a sports tragic, stereotypical Australian and has an opinion on most things. Likes long walks along the beach and is an avid gardener

sri lanka v australia 2011