Greetings. We are back from our hiatus. Obviously.

Bigger (literally – thanks to Moms cooking) and hopefully with a few new tricks up our sleeves. There is plenty to get to. But all in good time. It is a little diffucult to keep up with the SL cricket news these days. Unconfirmed reports have filtered through to us that the Sri Lankan team cook has been sacked and will possibly be replaced by Dilhara Fernandos mom who is reputed to be an excellent cook of Kiri Bath and Sri Lankan curries.

In the meantime, we have actually recorded a podcast. It has everything you could possibly want. Me saying a lot of  ‘you know’ like a valley girl. Horrible production. Ranjith Fernando. Bad sound. And Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Yes.

Enjoy.

This time arond we talk about Dilshan and how he lost the captaincy + how badass Thilan is.

Pls feel free to leave your comments and suggestions. If you have any complaints about my nasaly voice please direct them to my parents.

Part I – Dilshan and Captaincy

Part II – Thilan is badass

dilshan mahela jayawardane podcast sangakkara tilan samaraweera

Psychologist : So I’m sure neither of you really want to be here on a Saturday afternoon but let’s get things out in the open and see if we can   find out what’s troubling you both

Dilshan: Actually, I had nothing going on since we got cleaned up by the Aussies inside 3 days again. * Long Sigh*. So I’ve got plenty of time to do some soul searching

Dhoni:  Can’t say the same, I’m pretty much floored with work. I really just wanted to get away from … where’s Ricky by the way?

Psychologist: Ricky doesn’t attend these meetings anymore. He called up one night and told me he’s made a new beginning or something. Good for him. Anyway, Dilshan, tell me what’s been going on with you?

Dilshan: It’s more like what hasn’t been going on doc. God; I’m just so fed up with all this work. Captain’s reports, post match conferences. Dinners with curators. It’s INSANE!  Everyone wants to talk about something or the other and it feels like everything’s caving in. Man, I just want to go out there and hit the ball and roll my arm over when I get bored you know. None of this other stuff.  The papers are going on and on about my form. Not to mention the constant calls from my Mother about when I am going to shave off my goatee. I mean it’s my life right.  I can do what I want. Right? Right….. ?

Pysch:  Yes, it is your life and you are in control TM. Stay in control – you know what happens when you don’t. Remember. What about you MS? How’ve you been getting on?

Dhoni: Not bad. Everything is going ok apart from a couple of hiccups. Nothing to report.

Pysch: Are you sure? What about this business with Nasser calling some of your players Donkeys or something?

Dhoni: Look, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Nasser can call my players whatever he wants. Doesn’t make it true.  Now, I can say Nasser has head which has a stark resemblance to an egg. You can turn around and say he is an Egg head. Doesn’t make it true – or it does? You tell me. Depends on what you want to believe. I heard Tom Moody compared Russel Arnold to a little black turtle on air. I think that is more offensive

Dilshan: HAHAHAHAHA, oh god, that is classic Tom. Just picture it, a little turtle with Arnies head. Oh god, priceless!

*Suddenly pauses*.

I miss Tom you know. I always felt safe when he was around. I think it was those large hands he had.

 

Pysch: True MS, but how did it make you feel?

Dhoni: I told you, he can say whatever he wants. The media can say whatever they want. It does not affect me.

Physch: C’mon MS, saying how you feel out loud always helps. C’mon – you can do it.

Dhoni: Ok, you want to know how I feel. I’ll tell you how I FEEL. You wanted me to win the WC. I won you the WC. You wanted me to get to make India the no1 test side. Well guess what. I DID!  And we lose one series, ONE series, and everyone starts going on about how we need some guy called Donny Angus to review me and my team. Who the hell is that anyway? What a LOAD OF CROCK!

 

*Dilshan suddenly runs out of room*

Pysch: Ignore him. Who was the ‘You’ you referred to there?

*Dilshan bursts into the room dressed up as a pirate and bottle of rum in hand*

 

Dhoni: What the..I’d heard about this, is this when he starts pretending he is someone else?

Pysch: It’s called DID – dissociative identity disorder. When Dilshan encounters stressful, confrontational situations, his mind splits into another character. In this case – he thinks he is the Pirate Jack Sparrow.

Dilshan: Arr ya mayteys ready to travel to the ends of the world with your cap’n. Break out the sails and rum boys, set course due north. Arr.

*Starts singing*

Fifteen men in the test match squad. Yohohoho and a bottle of Rum!. None could get us to two hundred once. Yo hoho ho and a bottle of

*Starts sobbing hysterically.*

 

Psych: Just ignore him. Ironic isn’t it, a pirate brought to tears.

Dhoni: IRONIC? Try this for ironic, I feel like a human DRS, so much expectation placed on something that obviously can’t deliver every time.  I mean it was ONE series. A few games, really.

Pysch: Ok, let me try another technique…

Dhoni: Oh, so NOW it’s my technique is it, Look here, I might not be exactly like Dravid or a Sachin, but I have my unique way. It gets the job done – so it failed in ONE series. ONE. YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL THE SAME.

Psych: No no, I didn’t mean that at..

Dhoni: Save it Miss. This session is over *Slaps Dilshan across the face*. Snap out of it you nut head. Let’s get our boards to organise some bilaterals – lord knows we could do with some down time.

*Grabs Dilshan and storms out of room*

 

dhoni dilshan

You can’t teach some how to go after a ball so far outside off stump that your best chance of hitting it with the toe end.

There is no style magazine that will tell you how to bearclaw your goatee.

It takes a special kind of person to shoulder arms and get bowled.

You need someone who is deeply attuned to themselves to know when you need psychological help.

Mike Brearleys Art of Captaincy does not tell you to bowl your spinners when reverse swing is your best bet.

And you certainly don’t need 69 Test Matches to tell you to give the new ball someone who has bowled twice in his 98 games.

No my friends, Dilshan is a true renegade. A maverick at heart. You can only admire him because you can never be him.

dilshan

Dilshan is a Pirate.

From his bear claw goatee to his bandana to his bling. If they ever made a Sri Lankan remake of Pirates of the Caribbean, Dilshan would be Jack Sparrow. But the problem with Pirates is that, by nature, they can’t be trusted.

Dilshan is captain of Sri Lanka because no one else wants the job. Mahela gave it up. And King Kumar wants to become a full time speech writer. In fact the only person other than Dilshan who had a real chance of getting the job was Sanath. As long as he could pass the motion in Parliament.

Like it or not Dilshan the Pirate is what we’ve got. If first impressions mean something, then Dilshan probably wouldn’t have got the girl. If you want to know how Sri Lanka is doing then you’d get all the info you need by looking at his face. Captaincy doesn’t appear to have pulled the plank on Dilshans buccaneer attitude with the bat either. See what I did there. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. That 193 at Lords came at almost 80. And the cost of a digit. Could you ever tell Jack Sparrow what to do ? Ok… Would he have listened?

Dilshanis his own man. He doesn’t pretend to be something he isn’t. But right now you can almost tell that the man is torn between kicking a player in the back side for dropping a chance and blowing his cheeks like Mahela used to. Ultimately this will be what makes or breaks Dilshan as captain. Fighting to be someone he isn’t to completely losing the plot to finding something in between. One thing Dilshan outwardly demands from every player on the field is a 150%. He isn’t someone who is going to sit back and let things unfold. That doesn’t become the man. He isn’t arrogant enough to not ask for his peers help. And Mahela and Sangakkara are humble enough to guide him through this transitional period. These are all great signs.

In his first year of captaincy he has already faced the no1 test side in the world at home. Now we’ve got Aus at home. SA away. Aus and India away. Then Eng at home next year. That is as rough a year as it comes. Add to this the fact that the team it self in a development phase, Dilshan’s headaches are just beginning.

In these times of  unprecedented number of tests for us in the FTP, Dilshan probably isn’t even the ideal man to lead the side. Sri Lanka lies on the verge of going from an average test side to a good or even great one. There is a big chance that Dilshan might end up falling apart. And along with him, Sri Lanka. But just like every other pirate, he will probably die trying. And his merry men will be expected to do the same.

And that is all really matters. Although winning will also be good.

dilshan sri lanka

The Kardashians got nothing on this family.

Sanath Uncle – Your favourite uncle. He’s life of the party when he arrives and everyone flocks around him to hear his fantastic tales. Always sporting the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. Gets along with the grown ups and kids alike. His fashion sense is unique to him and usually wears mismatched ties with suspender pants. Built a massively successful business from the ground up. Now in his 80s, many relatives are waiting to see who he will leave the business to. Lives for Weddings and Baila music – where you are often embarrassed when he breaks out those ancient Baila moves.

Tharanga Malli- Son of Sanath Uncle. Growing up you played with him every time the family met up. During his formative years he was a brilliant student. Straight A’s all the way. The whole family thought he would take over his dads business till he got into some trouble. Lately he’s been a bit moody and struggles in Uni. Some think he had his dad had a fall out over a girl he did not approve.

Mr. Mahela – Born and bred in Colombo. Went to a private school.  People find him unapproachable at times. No body thought he would do well but everyone knows he’d had success because he drives a Porche and has a pretty wife. You never spoke to him as a kid because he always seemed so serious and never smiled a lot. Usually reserved and quiet Mr. Mahela shies away from attention and never joins family trips because he hates leaving Colombo.

Samaraweera Ayia- Affectionately called the ‘entrepreneur’ by the rest of the family. Having grown up in the outskirts of Colombo he opened a bakery which doubled as a cafe at the back. After some moderate success he converted the whole thing to just a cafe. Business was slow but he saved up and relaunched it as a fast food joint. Profits tripled and the rest is history. He recently went abroad to expand his business and earned his other nickname – “the uncle who got mugged”.

Mr.Sangakkara – People suspect his family are the last descendants of the Royal family in Kandy. Grew up in a huge mansion and moved abroad after Kindergarden. You never see him apart from family gatherings. Relatives avoid talking to him because they can’t understand his accent. Even when he talks in Sinhalese. Smokes a pipe and wears a tweed coat with a creveat and top hat almost all the time. Recently bought a majority share of Mr. Mahela’s business and is thinking of moving the Business to India.

Dilshan Ayia-Grew up in a tough neighbourhood. Didn’t have a lot of money but worked extremely hard. One day he won the lottery and bought a franchise from Sanath Uncle. Now he comes to weddings in designer suits and bling to match. There are rumours of him appearing in a movie soon. Some relatives secretly think he is too flashy and shows off too much, but are afraid to get on his bad side because they know he is on the lookout for a business partner.

Mathews – Spent his teens abroad where he got into Xtreme sports. Having recently moved back home he finds it a little hard to fit in at family gatherings. Mr.Sangakkara has taken him under his wing and they are often seen together around the city. The young girls go crazy when he talks with his rough accent. Mothers are uneasy around him because they think he is a bad boy.

Ajantha Malli –Considered an academic genius – he was the youngest in the family to attend Uni and promptly aced the first year. Then he got in with the wrong sort and has struggled since. The whole family thinks he could win a Nobel prize if he puts his mind to it. Having lived most his life outside the capital he is quite shy and is always seen with his mother at family functions.

Murali Uncle – Having grown up in the hill country, he never did things the normal way. Not many in the family know that during his childhood Uncle Murali was a wild child. Always got into trouble with the authorities. His dad sent him abroad to boarding school but it didn’t matter. After getting through those rough years, he dedicated his life to charity work and helping others. His nonprofit organisation  grew steadily and after a few years it ended up being a remarkable success story. Has a soft spot for Ajantha malli and has promised him a job at his company when he graduates.

Nuwan Malli – usually hangs out with Ajantha Malli. Doesn’t drink or smoke. The young girls think he has a lovely smile. Mothers adore him. Bit of a mama’s boy, Just got his drivers license and is proud of it. Very shy and smiles with everyone.

Malinga- Dropped out of school in his teens and moved down the coast to become a Surfer. Seems to have a permanent tan. Recently changed his name to just ‘Malinga’. When the family gets together he usually ends up behind the bar mixing funky cocktails. Attends weddings with a half buttoned Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses. A ladies man, the only thing Malinga enjoys more than the lassies is getting the crowd going to a Fugees song on the dance floor.

anjelo mathews dilshan flyslip jayasuriya sangakkara tilan samaraweera