Sexual misconduct in the workplace will not be tolerated and will be fully investigated

By a Sri Lanka Cricket spokesperson

SLC takes the allegations of its employees engaging in sexual acts on its premises very seriously. We are already in the process of putting together several committees and sub committees to support said committees to arrive at the “root” of the issue. The disciplinary committee will then punish all those who they deem to have been bad.

We would first like to thank the security guard, who with his timely and diligent work, brought this to our attention. Although we are yet to secure the number of backups he has made of all the photos he had taken of the couple in question, in the act he described as bliss for his eyes, we expect this to be completed in the coming days. The man, a forty year old virgin from Piliyandala, had been mesmerised by the couple upon stumbling onto them. The board has offered to pay for his counselling and also his sister’s daughter’s university education, in the hopes the man will find some comfort in this traumatic time.

Vaginal intercourse, fellatio, commonly known as blow jobs, or even hand jobs, particularly in a work environment, is no laughing matter. It reeks of a deliberate misuse of office property, not to mention the thousands of rupees of damages caused to the certain parts of the carpeting in our offices. Now, more than ever, our message is clear, if you wish to engage in vile acts of depravity please do so on your own property or at least use the 4th floor as access to that level is passcode restricted.

You would hope, that after a President of the United States was impeached due to engaging in lewd acts in the workplace, that people would realise that no one is safe. Along with the advancement of CCTV technology and the prying eyes of night-shift security guards prowling the office premises, it would be prudent to assume that if you get your pants below the acceptable level mentioned in your office policy, you will get caught out. Yet people continue to try and defy the odds and unsurprisingly have failed once again. Our investigation will take as much time as needed.There will be no premature conclusions made, no stone left unturned and once we know what our position is we will thrust forward into swift action. Be warned


Let’s not be too hasty

Also, by a (the same) Sri Lanka Cricket spokesperson, a few days later…

SLC isn’t some sort of gossip mongering institution, we are a respectable organisation on the cutting edge of sports management in a country. Everyone is entitled to making a mistake or two. Ok, yes, it went on for over five months. But once you get into bad habits its hard to break out of them. Just ask Tiger Woods. Ok, maybe that’s not the most appropriate comparison, but you get the point.

What is sex really but an act of nature between two passionate beings. Are we to really probe and conduct an inquisition into the private affairs of two people, who from all accounts, are two lovely people. I think we attach too much importance to sex these days anyway. I don’t think the people in question wanted to cause any trouble at all. I think it’s just a case of them getting caught up in the moment. It was the poet Robert Kelly, who captured this side of human nature best, when he wrote “My mind’s telling me no, But my body, my body’s telling me yes”.

Profound words I’m sure you will agree.

In all fairness, all this has come up at a very bad time for the cricket board. We are quite busy with a lot of other things just at the moment. The board also feels that it must protect the interest of the girl in question. What about her reputation? Her future? We must not act so callously. It’s increasingly difficult to find good men in Colombo. What if this was your daughter hmm?

Some people have accused the board of bottlenecking the investigation because some board members have also been involved with the same girl in question. Absurd. Where would I, I mean they, have even had the time. As I stated before, the board has been getting busy, been busy, the board has BEEN busy..

No further questions please. Oh, this was just a statement. Right, carry on.

sri lankan cricket

Allo lads,

The couple of regular readers may have observed a period of lull here at HQ, it was because we were busy packing up to head home for the holidays.

We have arrived at said home and are back in the thick of things.

Having missed out of a lot of cricket but with the much anticipated SL – Bangladesh series coming up, we decided to make a low key come back with a little swipe at the lack of test cricket coming our way.

Pls note somethings may have changed since I wrote this post a while back


Boxing day. The smell of freshly cut grass. The flowing beer. The gentle warmth of the early morning sun. The buzz of crowd as they prepare to watch some grueling test cricket.

All the things that will be missing in Dhakka when Sri Lanka take on Bangladesh.

So, another tour, another minnow opposition and another 2 test series –the story of Sri Lankan cricket this year. It seems incredibly hypocritical when the 4th ranked test team in the world plays only 5 test matches in a year where teams like New Zealand – who are invariably complaining about not playing enough test cricket – and even Bangladesh of all team play more. The only team to play less games than Sri Lanka were Pakistan, who had that slight glitch with them terrorists blokes.

Who is at fault though. The Sri Lankan board ? The ICC ? The ridiculously outdated future tours Programme?. The best answer is probably a mixture of all three. That the annual cricket schedules are monopolized by the English and Australian summers is unavoidable and has been forcibly accepted by the rest of the test nations, who have to organize their matches around it. Even then the quality of test cricket coming to a country like Sri Lanka is insufficient. 2009 will follow the same path as this year, when the first half of the year is spent sitting on couches and watching other countries play cricket.

Now that the England tour is canceled, Sri Lankas next test tour, according to the FTP, will be Zimbabwe. How exciting, add to that the fact that’s inaccurate. The only real tour, against Pakistan, is planned for August. Any tours planned with India are still in doubt after the disaster with Arjuna, Lalit Modi and the IPL.

Surely Sri Lanka are still a big draw card, they have some world renowned cricketers and are only behind Australia, South Africa and India, who they soundly beat at home just a few months ago. Arjuna has been pre-occupied in trying to put one over Lalit Modi. His ill timed move to arrange for a tour to England has since nose dived.  In the meantime Sri Lanka tours Bangladesh, plays a tri series against Zimbabwe and Bangladesh and then hangs up the boots for 5-6 months. This is cricket administration at its worst.  It’s a loss for the fans and undeniably for the players.

Rumors of the ‘Test Championship’ replacing the FTP, are just that. Rumors. The ICC says there will be ‘some form of test championship’. Proving that vagueness is still the ICC’s best attribute.

Its up to the guys in the hierarchy to make sure that Sri Lanka gets the right amount of cricket with right kind of opposition in whatever ‘form’ it may come in.

While they are at it, can they also have quick vote to get rid of the plague that is the ‘2 – test series’.

ajantha mendis sri lanka sri lankan cricket

Sri Lanka continued to pile on the mysery and add to my boredom by continuing to bat on day 3 of the game that we have all come to love in the last couple of days.

Which leads me to wonder, are we playing in to the hands of the Zimbies. Think about it.

Did Zimbabwe assemble possibly some of the worst cricketers in their country so as to lull us into a false sense of safety and confidence prior to the official ODIs ?

There are a couple of clues;

-The mastermind behind this whole plot is Wilfred Mukondiwa, the deputy managing director of Zimbabwe Cricket.

Before the game he sang this tune

“The four-day game that begins at the Queens Sports Club on Wednesday might not be that important to Sri Lanka, but is of significance to us as it is part of our programme to give our maturing side more exposure to the longer version of the game in preparation for our resumption of Tests.”.

So when Mahela decided not to take part in this game at all, he played right into Wilfreds hands.

-Tatenta Taibu was taken out of this game due to ‘Personal’ reasons.

The plot thickens.

What we really should have done is called the bluff- and sent in Splendid to open the batting!

I see a nasty surprise waiting for us in the next few days.

And I’m not talking about the possibility of rain.

ajantha mendis mahela jayawardane sri lanka v zimbabwe sri lankan cricket

Heading into Zimbabwe is always interesting because you never know quite know what to expect.

Other than the fact that Sri Lanka is going to offer them a complete thrashing.

I’m not ashamed to say that I don’t know half the team that will take the field for the ODI series from the Zimbabwe. I lost interest in Zimbabwean cricket ever since Andy Flower left and the mass exodus in 2004.

That Zimbabwe had some grit about them. Led by Andy and Heath Streak, the batting was solid and the bowling was effective. Since then the Zimbabweans have been fielding 2nd string teams.

Which makes me wonder what the point of this series is. England would rather cancel the Sri Lankan tour in 2009 rather than face a 2nd string Sri Lankan XI.

Why must should we expect less from Zimbabwe. Or better yet, Why must we play them in the first place.

Sean Williams just pulled out to play cricket in South Africa, Brendon Taylor opted for Australia. Tatenda Taibu is in some court facing assault charges, oh hello? Tiny Taibu in an assault case?

The man assaulted apparently said “You should see the other guy”

This series going to be an absolute farce.

The only reason I am remotely interested in this series is because, couple of the young cubs I predicted big things for here, are going be playing.

Even the Sri Lankans are not taking this seriously, Jayasuriya will be just across the border, playing for the Dolphins, then he will hop on a plane to Hong Kong, to play in the 6s.

Which by the way promises to be more interesting as Sri Lanka are the defending champions.

However, for some unknown reason, they have sent King Sanga and Murali

Probably to ensure the annihilation will be as swift as possible.

Zimbabwe haven’t won a game against SL since 2004, I don’t expect this to change anytime soon.

brendon taylor murali sangakkara sean williams sri lankan cricket taibu zimbabwe

Lets look at some facts

-SLC is running at a 600mil rupee bank over draft

-SLC sets up a potentially money earning series with England and the ECB for May 2009 to help in their financial troubles

-Which clashed with the IPL also set for May 2009, meaning most of the big names from SL would miss the 2nd IPL season

The ‘Players picking IPL over country’ debate begin

-Lalit Modi and BCCI have were going to have none of this and set up a 70mil dollar deal for the SLC, over ten years for letting the SL players take part in the IPL and the Champions League.

-Arjuna meanwhile goes on a trigger happy crusade against the IPL 2020, calling it nothing more than ‘instant noodles’- which we must all agree is one of the best analogies ever made.

-Arjuna then goes on to blame the IPL 2020 for India losing the test series in SL.

BCCI and Lalit Modi start to dislike Arjuna

-ECB’s David Morgan says SLC’s agreement with the BCCI over the 70mil is ‘unacceptable’ stating the ICC reaffirmed that Test Cricket was to be the number 1 priority for the boards.

-Arjuna says the English test series will go ahead.

-And then does the unthinkable and lifts the ban on ICL players playing domestic cricket in SL.

BCCI and Modis dislike Arjuna even more.

-Modi and BCCI say the deal will not go ahead if Arjuna is around.

-Threatens to cut bi-lateral ties with SL.

-Hints it can “buy off” any Sri Lankan player if it wants to.

Dead Lock.

The message is clear. India control the money and they have the power. They are kinda like the mafia of cricket right now. Threatening to bump off or buy off anyone who dares to go against them. Their reach is growing and its all about muscling out who ever they want to, to make as much money as possible.

India’s reputation of threatening to cut ties, boycott series and tours is growing. They exercised this power in Australia- Got their way.

They are doing the same with lowly SLC- surely they will win this time as well.

Arjuna is caught in the middle. He needs to make money for the SLC. Please the ECB, Please the BCCI and the IPL and his players all at the same time. That will never happen.

We argue a lot over the fact that cricket is only about the money these days. In this case- it HAS to be about the money. SLC needs money and its quite obvious that the most amount of money will flow from the IPL and the BCCI at the moment.

When Arjuna came into power I thought it would be a good thing. He always spoke about how the game in SL needs to improve to play with the big teams around the world. He seemed to have a vision.

But somewhere between his triple upsized breakfasts and predicting India will win the 2007 WC, he seems to have lost his mind.

The IPL and the BCCI don’t care about cricket, they care about Break Even points and balance sheets and we are nothing but a small country in Political turmoil and financial crisis. When big brother offers a hand this big I think we ought to take it.

The England series was never in the schedule. Arjuna dug him self a hole by hastily arranging it. And although I was ecstatic that we would tour England again and annoyed that players seemed to be picking the IPL over the country on hindsight you have to try and see the bigger picture.

The big picture is that the IPL will give the SLC more money over a longer period of time than one test series in England ever could. What Arjuna should have done instead of shooting his potty mouth is to have initiated discussions with the BCCI and IPL regarding the participation fees he claims the SLC never got.

And SLC needs money.

Its strange because ONLY the SLC have publicly announced that they did not get any fee. Were the other boards given this money and SLC ignored ?

Arjuna is not a business minded man, he has a big ego and does not enjoy anyone going against him. He is revered in SL cricketing circles because of what he achieved as a player. And he enjoys using that power to get his way to the front of the buffet line- so to speak.

But he is clearly not the man to lead the SLC, he runs his mouth which makes the board and the country look bad.

If I were Arjuna I would step down , because that would be in the interest of cricket in Sri Lanka. It is however unlikely and as long as he heads the board Sri Lankan cricket will be in turmoil in one way or the other.

bcci david morgan ECB ipl lalit modi ranatunga sri lankan cricket